february first, twenty ten
the grammys were awful. i'd try to watch the show, then get aggravated with it, change the channel, then turn it back in some ray of hope, only to get more aggravated. it's really no wonder why i can't find any music that i like nowadays. it's pretty much all garbage. if i had to make an objective view of where the state of pop music is right now, i'd say take the glamour of the 70's, mix in some clothing styles from the early 80's, throw in mindless dance music from the early 90's, and then water it all down with the stale state of music and predictability from the entire decade of the 2000's.
in the little that i did watch, i was surprised of how many times current pop artists played older cover songs (lady gaga did elton john, beyonce did alanis morissette, taylor swift did stevie nicks, etc...). it was nice to see the throwbacks i guess, but doesn't that just show the bigger picture that there really isn't any good, mainstream music out there right now and that these artists are just relying on older songs to entertain people? like if your new songs were really that moving and creative, you wouldn't need to go back to someone else's.
then throw in a half naked beyonce dry humping the stage (don't get me wrong i like that) and a naked pink flying around like she's on cirque du soleil (don't get me wrong, i like that too) and the whole thing just becomes a total mess.
it goes without saying that we could use another 1991-nirvana-like moment in music history right now i think.
music: elton john "your song"
shout box!
january twenty ninth, twenty ten
i hate to beat a dead horse on the subject, but i will be so freaking glad to move out of this f hole apartment come springtime. to give some details on the situation: the foundation is sinking, there's uneven floors that creek everywhere you walk, there's cracks in the walls that let out heat, there's dry air (causing coughing, soar throught, dry tongue, dry eyes, dry skin), the bathroom is muggy, there's black particles in the water at the kitchen sink, there's a gas-ish smell in the kitchen by the stove, there's some really effed up species of insects at times, bats get trapped in the walls, the refrigerator is on its last leg, the hot water at the kitchen sink takes several minutes to get hot, there's low water pressure, and the walls are so thin that i can sometimes hear converstations clearly in the room next door.
while it's not like i'm living in haiti, this stuff does f with your attitude when you have to deal with it 24/7. it's actually been hard to stay positive here over the last several months. really, the only times i feel better are when ni is here or if i have friends over. other than that i'm mostly looking for ways to leave it whenever i can. which gets even more desirable to do when you also work at home. but also gets kinda hard when you just want to relax and drink and play gta. because it almost feels like you aren't relaxing even when you're trying.
it's funny because while i did complain about my previous apartment (it was small and expensive - whether or not i should've stayed is for another post on another day i suppose) i never once remember not wanting to return to it after going out for a few hours. actually, that apartment did quite the opposite. it made me happy and i was always in a good mood getting back to it. i think it's because i felt more established and proud of where i was.
at any rate, i think my 'tude will get better once i leave. whatever the next place is, it can seriously only go up from here. surprisingly, i thought getting rid of 980 tv channels would be more detrimental to the problem, but so far so good. i've been a bit more active and reading more. come april 1st though, it might be hard to not be able to watch los mets on a daily basis. but there's always a huge projection screen in westmo, mlb radio, and kit hoynes (as long as they aren't playing the skankees).
busy weekend: gridley paige at the hirk, watchin the 'cuse game with pops, then downtown for dinner, perhaps some a-square deucin, then jammin on bass on sunday. let's get bizaaay.
music: wreckx-n-effect "rump shaker"
shout box!
january twenty seventh, twenty ten
i'm not really one to complain about taxes that often. if ever. (partially because i don't want to sound like some old prospector, but mainly because i do think government owes its people a decent amount of responsibility). but wouldn't it be nice if the current rate of taxes could be kept as they are, but the government gave people an option on their paychecks to direct their tax money to specific areas that they see fit?
for example, instead of me paying tax money that goes towards fixing roads, it goes towards railroad infrastructure? (we all know how i roll). or instead of paying tax money that goes towards fighting a war you don't believe in, it goes towards building a hospital? (or something that doesn't kill people). perhaps this redirection of money would give a bit too much power to the people, but at the risk of sounding crazy, isn't that what our country should be all about?
i suppose the problem is when you give the government more responsibility (local, state, or fed) it runs the risk of totally shitting the bed. (think of one, fully-functional and very well-run government-funded program?). plus, there would probably be a lot of programs that people would either overlook or avoid redirecting their money to altogether and they'd end up faltering (like welfare or the epa or something).
still, it would be nice to have a direct say in what your government is doing with your own money. maybe it would reduce a lot of the wasteful spending that our states seem to be trimming so much of lately. or at the very least, slow down the whole cataclysmic-downward-spiral-bankrupt-and-retardation-of-society-and-government-meltdown-and-shitstorm.
...or maybe that's all inevitable regardless.
shout box!
january twenty sixth, twenty ten
pretty much just want it to be march 9th - baybay, bayball, disnay... maybe star wars ride...
shout box!
january twenty fifth, twenty ten
cleaning out the buildings on fayette street was pretty cool. it was a lot of work, but it felt really rewarding being a part of something much bigger than yourself. the surprising thing was that it was mostly young people there. (ages 20-35). not that the other ages don't care, but i think this demographic of people around here are much less jaded and much more active in organizing things like this and seeing syracuse improve. i think a lot of it has to do with the older generations giving up on the city and thinking too much about the past. a lot of people around here have a defeatist attitude about syracuse and especially downtown - saying how it will never be good again. like what's the point? if that's your outlook, you may as well just pack up and move instead of being such a pessimist saying how "it will never get back to how it was in the 50's". like if it bothers you how things have become, go and do something about it instead of sitting back and complaining.
with facebook, cell phones, and computers and everything, it was cool to see this kind of stuff happening. you would think there would be less of a sense of community and less volunteering with our generation as the years go on. these were people my age giving up their saturday mornings and doing heavy manual labor, just to prove that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
as for the project itself, it looks promising. the goal is to refurbish these 2 buildings, turn them into apartments, offices, and retail, and link armory square with salina street. hopefully it all goes well.
music: weezer "everybody get dangerous"
shout box!
january twenty first, twenty ten
so i bought a book on restaurant management. while the book itself reads like it was written by a high school student, it has got me thinkin. in no particular order, here's 5 restaurants that i would open in 'cuse right now...
restaurant idea #1: a german restaurant
for a city that once had a huge amount of german immigrants on its northside (and probably still has its german ancestry population somewhere around 12%) you would think there would be at least a couple of places for german food around here. the only german restaurant left in the city is danzer's and it's down in the valley on the city's southside. now that weber's has closed after 60 years of operation, i feel like there's a huge niche for german fare in cny. essentially, i'd reopen weber's on the northside (assuming the soul food restaurant that replaced it has not started up yet). keep the neighborhood bar / family style dining atmosphere. offer reubens, bratwurst, spatzel, german beer, and maybe have german music on friday nights or something. the northside is a good location not only for the heritage and nostalgic purposes, but it's closer than danzer's is to the outer suburbs like north syracuse, liverpool, b'ville, and mattydale. so as long as you advertised 5% more than weber's ever did, you could only do better.
restaurant idea #2: a higher-end, seafood restaurant
not necessarily fine-dining, but something a tad upscale. for lack of a better example, open up something similar to neptune oyster in boston's north end. just a small place downtown with a raw bar, oysters, lobsters, wine, maybe a few pasta dishes, brunch on the weekends. it's funny because the only actual seafood restaurants in central new york are the clam bar in north syracuse and a few red lobsters.
restaurant idea #3: a high-end, mexican restaurant
this would probably cost the highest and be the most difficult of the 5 to start and operate. i also don't know if there would be a market for an upscale mexican restaurant in syracuse. the closest competition is the mission, but i feel like they're a triple-a version of upscale mexican. not that it's bad there, it isn't. but it isn't refined, or organized, and there are flavors and ingredients that they never use in their food that are cornerstones of mexican cuisine (jalepenos, really any hot peppers, corn, cilantro, limes). basically this place would do everything that mexican restaurants don't do in this area: creative cocktails, soups, different kinds of tacos, guacamole made fresh right in front of the diner, tequila, margaritas, and desserts. and the interior would be hacienda-esque, with latin music, etc... i probably would need to hire some cheap mexican labor for that authentic feel. hi-ooo.
restaurant idea #4: a fast-food, burger place
not fast food as in micky-d's or bk, but as in a quick-order burger place. downtown syracuse has a high concentration of workers during the weekday afternoons, yet all places around here offer the same thing: sandwiches, wraps, soups, and pizza. the closest place for a real, quick burger is eastwood and that's a bit of a drive for the average lunch hour break from downtown. basically offer 10 different kinds of burgers, with a take-out focus, and open late on friday and saturday nights. you could probably operate it in something the size of my living room. i'd be less into this idea of the 5, but it would probably be the cheapest to start and run me thinks.
restaurant idea #5: bar / music venue / with specific bar food
the first and only time i walked into the stoop on fayette street in armory square, i loved it. it essentially had a dinosaur barbeque vibe to it except it was a music place and bar for young people. going up the stairs kind of made you feel like you were in on some secret. it had a patio on the second floor (there are none in 'cuse). it had one of the better local rock bands that i've seen in 'cuse performing. and it was just a really lively, rowdy, and yet unpretentious crowd. i had never, and i guess still have never been to a place like this in syracuse. it made me see the city in a whole different way at that time because i never thought a place this cool could actually exist here. while i love 'cuse, one of my main complaints about it is that it lacks a real music scene. and i think part of the problem is because there aren't proper venues for real rock bands to play. so what better way than to start it with a bar in armory square - the city's most successful neighborhood? have bands play 4 or 5 nights of the week, maybe open mic on monday nights, specialty drinks, maybe a small bar menu. out of the 5, this is the one that i would be most into i think. mainly because i could more or less have a small say in what represents the syracuse music scene and at the same time be able to check out new music constantly. not only that, but from a market standpoint, armory square has lost 3 bars over the last year two years (ohm, ambrosia, and teddy's) and only gained 1-quasi bar (the black olive) so i think there's a niche for not only a live, rock music venue, but for one additional bar in the neighborhood.
and i'm spent.
shout box!
january eleventh, twenty ten
SPRING TRAINING AND DISNEY IN MARCH.
i haven't been on a real vacation in a while. and definitely haven't been anywhere warm in what feels like a really long time. at least consiering how often i used to go south or west not all that long ago...
2006 cozumel mexico
2002 la
2001 cabo san lucas mexico
1999 new orleans
1998 caribbean
1997 disney
1995 nags head, nc
1994 disney
1990 disney
can't wait for the trip. it'll be really cool because amanda and i haven't really had a real vaca together.
bust this. mets/braves at disney, mets/red sox in port st lucie, mgm, magic kingdom, animal kingdom, and epcot. yes indeedy.
while it's a bit premature to think of where i want to go next, i do need to get my passport this year. mainly because at some point in my life i would like to go to a few places like: germany for octoberfest, mexico again, spain, caribbean again, greece, egypt, japan (maybe), and south america.
oh and for once ride real high-speed rail in europe. maybe like the tgv. because going close to 200 mph to get somewhere seems pretty cool.
shout box!
january tenth, twenty ten
just read stephanie miner's transition report and what she plans to do as mayor of syracuse. while a lot of it is your typical, empty political rhetoric, i liked a few things in it - mainly the focus on downtown, reversing the declining population trend, the open-minded approach to everything around i-81, and improving the city's image with crime and cleanliness.
i think she'll be an upgrade from the previous mayors - i have some hope at least.
speaking of reversing the population trend, this is such huge news for downtown - 45 apartments and a downtown grocery store. so combine this with the new o'brien and gere headquarters that will bring in 300 workers, the jefferson clinton commons for lofts and retail, the creekwalk connection of franklin and armory squares, urban outfitters moving to walton street, and possibly a new hotel in armory square, and suddenly downtown is seeing its first signs of positive development in 20 years - basically since the armory area was redeveloped.
the best part of this all? things are being reused and not once piece of infrastructure is being torn down. wow, what a crazy concept!
shout box!
january fourth, twenty ten
reading blog comments is getting ridiculous. forgot the subjects (if it's syracuse.com, chances are it's incoherent ramblings and bogus stereotypes by some brainwashed rush limbaugh fan). but just actual writing alone is getting hard enough to read these days because technology is moving so fast and people are getting lazier.
it's a shame because as awesome as technology is, and as lucky as we are living in this age, we're loosing the little things. like the ability to write properly. and i don't me "we" as in you or me, i specifically mean the people who feel like they need to use "2" instead of "to". is it really that hard for you to type one more freaking character in there?
and yes, i realize i'm being totally hypocritical - this is coming from someone who doesn't use capital letters on his blog.
but i wonder if it will all be totally out of control in 5 years. will the bottom news ticker of fox news be something like "tlbn makes threts 2 bmb us ports & planez. m0re nws l8ter."
at this rate, i also wonder when i'm elderly if i'll be so far out of touch with technology that i won't have any grasp with what's going on around me because everything will have become so quick, abbreviated, and like second nature to everyone younger.
wait... 2nd n8ture.
music: foo fighters "everlong"
shout box!
december thirtieth, twenty oh nine
the year in review...
my first mets game at citi field
st patties day with petey (guinness at 10am, jug of beer, parade, shots at kitty hoynes in the daytime)
getting pampered by my gf after my tooth extraction (vanilla fribbles)
going to my first seder in nj
going across the border with petey and getting stuck at canadian customs
getting stuck at the lee, ma rest stop for 4 hours (and miraculously saved by craigles and brybry)
working in the garden for the first time
getting touched by a ghost
going to my first battle reenactment with petey
fun times at sylvian beach (after not going there since i was 12)
moving into the new apartment (with help from ni, jerm, edmund, garv, petey and olin)
scotty's bachelor party and wedding
seeing ben folds with the boston pops
my first lobster eating experience
winning my first fantasy baseball championship
amanda and i getting our first christmas tree
trips to ithaca, buffalo, schenectady, the adrirondacks, boston, nj, and nyc
twenty oh nine was a good year (despite one... wait, two speed-bumps). i really can't believe how much it felt like two separate years. granted, a lot of things changed around the second half - but even when i think back to the spring of this year, it seems like it was two years ago.
overall, i'm feeling so much better than i was just a month ago. i have to learn to be more open and upfront about things and also need to take action better than do (i got pretty lackadaisical about a lot of things around the summer). life is too short to waste and while it's easy to be static, it doesn't get you anywhere. you have to seize the day, as they say. and you have to make the best with everything that you can and be thankful for every single fricken thing you have everyday.
as for twenty oh nine, i'm thankful for being in love and being with my best friend, having a loving and supportive family, getting off my ass and playing music again, and having good friends.
life is pretty damn flawless with those four things, i tell ya.
shout box!
december seventeenth, twenty oh nine
it's crazy getting older as a baseball fan. when you're young and in your early teens, you idolize players (be they daryl strawberry or dwight gooden or whoever). you picture them being old. like father figures almost. age 40 or something. then when you get into your late 20's, you see certain players on tv that you picture being maybe 5 or 6 years older than you only to realize that you are 5 or 6 years older than them. it's really a mind eff. i just realized jeff francouer is 25 and i can't get over the fact that i'm like 3 or 4 years older than him. it's crazy. even as i watch the game now, baseball players still seem older and i still seem younger no matter what the age difference actually says.
mind eff.
shout box!
december fifteenth, twenty oh nine
the super awesome to do list for the next 5.5 months...
dinner at pascale (before they leave downtown)
christmas at bro and wendy's in nj
new years nafta party at olin's
solo show at opus
boston trip to visit scotty deuce
valentine's day
spring training / disney / florida
st patties in 'cuse (with green beer, tipp hill, and parade)
2 year anniv
ni's b-day / get peanut
move the fuck out of my apartment
i'm diggin it.
shout box!
december thirteenth, twenty oh nine
i think things are really getting out of hand with the internet / cell phones / facebook / everything. i mean, don't get me wrong - i love technology. it's why i have an iphone. it's addicting and fun and you can stay connected with just about everything (weather, maps, email, texting, social networking, music, games, etc...). do i need it? no. but it's there, and i'll use it when i feel like (which is probably more than i should).
in a nutshell, it's like we all have no control over technology. to the point where it's changing our behaviors.
- having cell phones on us all the time gives people the assumption that we're supposed to be availble 24-7 no matter where we are.
- texting makes us lazy and eliminates human interaction a step back from phone calls.
- we don't write letters anymore, we write emails.
- not everyone, but some people (most specifically spoiled rich bitch-es) like to look popular by texting and chatting blatantly in public.
- the internet, while full of basically all information, makes us lazy in actually applying it.
- we loose our privacy.
- we become compulsive and addictive by checking emails, twitters, texts, and status updates.
- we become desensitized and loose our imagination (when was the last time you actually drew anything freehand?)
- taking a cell video at a music concert doesn't allow us to actually live in the moment.
- using gps lowers our street-smarts abilities.
i think it's actually worse for the generation(s) growing up. it's all they're going to know. i don't remember who said this craigles or ed dawg, but teachers have always noticed how kids generally stay the same over the years. pop culture changes, slang terms change, clothing changes, but everything else remains the same. and over the last couple of years long-term teachers have noticed a change. basically kids have lost the ability to think for themselves. they essentially do the work and get it finished, but aren't able to gage their own opinion about what they're actually doing.
technology is amazing. but it becomes really scary and not so impressive when we start becoming so dependent on it. i think it starts to diminish our intelligence at a certain point. you stop gaining your independence and the ability to think for yourself - which are pretty huge human characteristics.
it's just crazy because at no point has anyone stood up and said "OK. WAIT A FREAKING MINUTE.". the internet and everyything just took off in the blink of an eye before we had any control over anything or any thoughts on what we should or shouldn't be doing with it.
how ironic that i'm writing this down on the internet.
shout box!
december seventh, twenty oh nine
seriously. am i the only person that seems true potential on warren street? i vent some (more) thoughts on the subject in this article. am i the only person who gives a @%*& about the rules!!???
bro's b-day today. just about halfway to my b-day. icky.
shout box!
december fifth, twenty oh nine
screw this cold weather.
i wonder what would happen if i moved to florida (somewhere between orlando and miami) and opened up an upstate new york themed restaurant. put things on the menu like...
hoffman hot dogs (with hoffman german style mustard)
hoffman coneys (served on new england style rolls)
chicken wings (might be able to put local places to shame down there)
maybe a barbecue dish with dinosaur bbq sauce or marinade
chicken riggies
tomato pie
garbage plates
spiedies
haddock fish fry (on fridays only, like most places in 'cuse)
cornell style chicken
beef on weck sandwiches
a side of terrell's potato chips and heluva good dip with sandwiches
hinderwadel's salt potatoes
utica greens
grandma brown's baked beans
leihs and steigerwald pickles
half moon cookies
ny microbrews
and fingerlakes wines
i think it could work.
and now i'm hungry.
shout box!
december third, twenty oh nine
it's pretty unreal that gay marriage is still on the table. i really thought that the 21st century would usher in some rational thinking but i guess not. why do people view this as such a horrible thing? if two people want to get married, love each other, and raise a family, why do people who don't agree with it feel like they need to dictate what two homosexuals want to do with their lives? we are guaranteed the right to pursuit of happiness in this country, yes?
and there really is no such thing as "preserving the sanctity of marriage". can't stand that phrase. don't 67% of straight marriages end in divorce? and don't at least a small percentage of these people have abusive and/or disfunctional relationships? that phrase gets thrown in there like it's holy or it's supposed to trump the argument when it actually doesn't.
only 5-ish more months left of this hell hole. i suppose i could just skidaddle earlier if i want to. it would be a matter of them loosing only $800 or so. kinda doubt they would chase me down for it. and it's sort of a small price to take someone to court for. i guess i'd rather not do it, but if it comes down to it, i may. we'll see how things shake out over the next few months. if i've learned one thing from all this it's that being a landlord is a pretty easy job. evidently all you have to do is sit back and cash checks.
still applying and doing the resume thing. no real hits yet, but i'm stickin with it. i really should've been doing this 6-12 months ago.
not sure why i still get nervous playing in front of people. sometimes i'm totally fine - and i'm def way better than i was even a few years ago. but every once in a while i feel really insecure about playing. it's mainly about my songs and my voice. (yes, this is coming from someone who spent 4 years being a friggin performance major).
is it spring training yet?
shout box!
november thirtieth, twenty oh nine
a pretty busy t giving vacation. pigged out at dinosaur bbq, went to lake effect with bro and saw people from high school (as usual), thanksgiving with the fam, dad's for drinks, retreat for drinks and food, the dome for su basketball, chillin with bebe, secret garden for korean food, everson museum, made gingerbread cookies, went to vernon downs to gamble, went to red lobster, and made chicken riggies.
can't stand the dining reviews in the syracuse paper. amazing that someone out there is making a full-time salary and getting paid to eat whenever, wherever, and whatever they want all over 'cuse just to write bad food reviews... "the basket of garlic bread was delictable and the wonderful aroma was enough to put my soul at ease"... jesus. it's just garlic bread. forced, poetic fluff is really just painful to read in food reviews.
looking to get my first x-mas tree ever this year.
one of these years i WILL go to the christmas tree lighting downtown.
i think i'm allergic to my apartment.
my brother and i should've bought weber's haus of reubens when it was up for sale.
open mic nights at opus are officially bringing back my playing ambition and confidence. and i MIGHT have a real show there pretty soon. which would probably my first real show in... dare i say... 2 years?
shout box!
november twenty fourth, twenty oh nine
it's been a crazy couple of months. my posts have probably seemed a tad existential lately. (a tad!?). i normally tend not to vent too many emotions of my personal life on this thing because 1) i don't want people to feel like they need to take pity 2) i don't like embarrassing anyone or myself and 3) i never like sounding needy.
...and maybe 4) i have potential employers looking at this thing and don't want them to think i'm a human mess who swears a lot and doesn't know how to capitalize letters or write the proper date.
i know this though. i'm in love. and i'm in love with someone who i can't be with as much as i want to. i tried but i can't trick myself that i'm not. i don't want anyone to tell me that i'm not. or that i shouldn't be. or that i can't be. or that it can't work. or that i can never make up my mind. being in this relationship was the first time i ever felt happy and comfortable with everything. and i don't even know how it happened. it just did. to the point where i was in shock and maybe even in denial after things changed. i don't want to wait years to be happy again. especially when it's right there. and i don't want to roll the dice with someone else (well, maybe natalie portman...). not when i know how good things were before and how happy we make each other when we're together.
not to get overly philosophical, but being happy is a rare thing to find. i mean, personal self-happiness is a hard thing to find to begin with and even harder is if two people can have it with each other. and if two people definitely have it together, who's to tell them otherwise?
to borrow the words of a good friend who i asked if i was crazy, he replied "are you crazy? are we crazy? life is crazy.". well said.
he's right. life throws you curveballs all the time. and at random points. nothing is planned out. it would be easy if we all knew the master plan or formula ahead of time but we don't. all we can do is make the best with what we have.
right?
right.
boom.
music: jay z "show me what you got"
shout box!
november twenty third, twenty oh nine
i'm pretty sure the world is screwed. while 2012 was an awful movie, it doesn't hide the fact that things on this planet could be totally effed up by then. over population, over consumption, wind pattern changes, the ice caps melting, stronger hurricanes and tsunamis, animals and plants changing their habits to adjust to the changes. (i just watched inconvenient truth as you can tell). but it's hard to deny that global warming isn't actually happening. it's kinda scary. and i think it's even more scary that people (more specifically people on the far right) do not take it seriously. and they haven't for decades. it's pretty ridiculous. cause really, we've done nothing to solve or prepare ourselves for anything. all we've done is talk about how strange the weather is.
i guess that's the bigger deal. we don't take it seriously. i mean, statistically speaking, aren't we much more likely to be unprepared for some kind of insane natural distaster than we are for some random terrorist plot from the middle east?
i tell ya.
shout box!
november sixteenth, twenty oh nine
i'm doing better now. at least better than i was. everything was a lot to handle over the last couple of months and especially over the last month. basically it was: moving out of a city that i came to love, moving into a new place i didn't like, my girlfriend moving, us growing apart, breaking up without a dramatic fight, loosing someone close, and then having nobody around to really catch me from the fall. and it's ok now, but at the time it was just like going from 100 mph to 50 to 0 in a matter of what felt like weeks. and it was all stuff that i felt like i didn't have any control over. it was like i blinked and everything changed. even though nothing happened overnight. i think part of it is the fact that i've never lost anybody close before and maybe part of me didn't want to admit that it was all happening as it was going on. i'm definitely doing ok now but it was just a lot to take in and adjust to initially. and i guess i'm still getting adjusted. it's funny because i've always been someone who enjoys spending time alone and doing whatever i want to do. and somewhere along the line i got comfortable with having someone there all the time and uncomfortable with being alone.
i suppose it's a good thing though and nothing to dwell over. it shows i'm ok with letting someone in. i tend to put up an unintentional wall around myself with people, so maybe i'm getting a little more open and comfortable with myself.
all and all, i have no regrets about anything and i have no doubts that i'll be fine. i've never been someone who can switch gears quickly about anything so it will just take its natural time. in a way, it seems like such a long way from now before i can find somebody that i can share everything with and who i can be myself around again. i hope i can and hope that i eventually will. i have a hard enough time just finding a new friend as it is so it might be a while. but i know i'm ready for it. if i've learned anything from everything it's that i need to gain my confidence back and just be myself. because i want to be 100% in love with someone who is 100% in love with me.
and... scene.
and.... end overly dramatic existential posts.
i will say this though, i cannot wait to move back downtown. i freaking miss it and i'm so agitated living where i am right now (having a job where you work at home actually is making it worse). being downtown is really the only time i'm happy when i'm alone now. like my demeanor changes and i stop worrying about everything. i've come to the conclusion that 'cuse is just the right size for me. it's right in the middle. i don't get overwhelmed or underwhelmed (?) by anything and it's small enough and yet big enough where there's new things to do to keep busy. 'cuse was really the first place i lived where everything felt stable. pretty much right from the beginning. i suppose that's the main reason why i feel agitated right now. because i have this desire to get back in so bad and i have to sit here and wait for it. 6 months feels like such a long freaking time from now.
gotta stick to the plan though: save bling, pay off car loan if possible, maybe find a new job, move back in to a place that is kick ass, doesn't have slanty floors, and isn't a total rat hole.
shout box!
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